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siptheteaburntheincense - September 8, 2008 2:38:32 AM EDT

I'm feeling vulnerable as fuck.  I feel as if I could be shot at any moment.  I feel as if the world knows my deepest most secret thoughts and memories.  Why is it that if one night of my sleep is even slightly off everything gets messed up?

Why is it that I'm incredibly attracted to the one person in my life that I could never be with?  Why was I stupid enough to partially and kind of subtly act on that attraction?  It's times like these when I hate myself, and I hate being awake, yet I feel like I have so much to think about that it take me hours to get to sleep when sleep is what I need most.  I hate this!  :(

I Care About Some of the Wrong Things Sometimes

The delight of a new friend,

brings me hope for the end.

Though I know it's not too close,

it seems so.

Synonymously it feels scary.

Are they rejoicing as I am?

Or do they secretly hate

something about me?

Either way, I shouldn't care,

but of course I do.

Oh, of course.

>

I feel so sad, 

but I know it's cause I'm bad.

I just wanna know,

how to control.

Control myself for good,

so I don't feel like I'm no good.

I wanna piece of him,

and to swim in the lake

without a whim,

but that damn wind

keeps blowing my hair

in my face and blocking my view.

I don't know,

but you should go and do.

siptheteaburntheincense - April 22, 2008 6:12:06 AM EDT

She sat up and took a sip of her creamy warm carmel macchiato.  The warm creamy liquid made her feel at ease in the midst of her overwhelming circumstances.  You see her mother had died, and her mother had been her very best friend, her only friend in fact.  She wanted little to do with her peers.  They didn't understand her, and she found their general demeanor to be immature, which made it difficult for her to relate.  It's not that she looked down upon them or up at herself.  She just grew up fast.  That was all.  The morning she attended her first day of kindergarten she had already read her first chapter book, and since had read many more.  Reading was her favourite activity, though she also loved riding her bike.  Sometimes she would wake up early and ride around her neighborhood while her father was sleeping in on Saturday mornings for what seemed like hours while her mother was away at work.  You see her mother's death was even more daunting because she hadn't been speaking to her dad.  They lived in the same home, but they had kept their distance for years.  They often had differences in opinion and one day it just became too much for her to bear.  Her father was quite sensitive, but also quite arrogant and narrow-minded, though he loved her dearly she would have never known it.

siptheteaburntheincense - April 16, 2008 11:53:56 PM EDT

I feel weary, but I know it's just temporary.

I need to churn out these academic words

to impress and dress my needs for acceptance

from my parents, professor, and self.

Oh, please know self

Know that you don't

like doing it this way

Oh self,

Please remember

this next time you

are confronted with

a task.

Thanks in advance!

Food For Thought

Does increased mobility increase lack of stability?

The Wheel of Injustice Turns

God that just knocked the wind out of me, and the shittiest part is that I know that my miniscule injustice holds the importance of a grain of sand compared to those of humanity's as a whole.  Shit!  This makes me question everything, and I don't know what to do.  I don't.   

siptheteaburntheincense - January 3, 2008 8:54:40 PM EST

I feel like shit.  My neck, my back, and my head all ache.  Now I have to try to see if I can sleep in my own bed/room (don't feel like explaining this one).  I hope I feel better when I tomorrow.  :(

Disappointment Hoping to Be Followed By Excitement

God, I'm pissed at almost every one, and I feel like there's no one I can tell.

Endless Demands Bring Me to a State of Listlessness

3rd World, Input, Output, look good, try hard, be who you should be, care what they think, don't care, try harder, get a good night's sleep, exercise, eat 3 meals a day, no, actually, it's better to have 5 small meals a day, don't forget breakfast, eat whole grains, don't drink milk, no red meat, no hormones or antibiotics, anti-anti-bacterial, eat, please the parents, but more importantly please yourself, help others in need, clean, but not too much, live in the moment, look but don't touch